The All Evil Gathering
by Green Airplane
Summary: I'm not insane! I REALLY am an airplane!
1. The Rescue of the 'FatAss' Longbottom

The Quinquennial All-Evil Gathering  
  
Author's note: WARNING: Reading this material could cause fatal damage to your neural system. Before reading you should also ask yourselves these basic questions: What is Quidditch? Who is the Minister for Magic? How many houses does Hogwarts have? Can you answer these questions correctly? No? Then you are a lousy muggle. Don't you dare read my story. It's cursed. (to wizards: standard anti- muggle spell, nothing to worry about) I'd also like to apologize to Mr. Seamus Finnigan for my disability to remember his name.  
  
Chapter I: The Rescue of the 'FatAss' Longbottom  
  
'I sense trouble' echoed an indifferent, slightly dreamy voice trough an empty dark corridor.  
  
'As usually' muttered another voice sarcastically.  
  
'Did you say anything?' asked the dreamy voice.  
  
'Nothing, it's just I can't get used to your permanent danger-seeing visions' replied the second one.  
  
'You're saying this just because you're jealous. It is not my fault that you are not as gifted as I am. I simply See things others don't. It's not my fault that nobody believes me.'  
  
' For heaven's sake, why, with all the fools that walk this world I ended up with this one? You can go straight to the north tower, shake hands with Trelawney and ask her if you can live there with her. If you're lucky, she might adopt you. If we were taking all your warnings seriously, we would have to sleep with wands in our hands.'  
  
' You know what Moody says,' replied the dreamy voice: 'Constant vigilance!'.  
  
' Funny to hear that from you, Mr. "guess what, I went for a bit of jogging today and fell asleep" said the second voice even more sarcastically.  
  
'I never sleep,' said the dreamy voice, ' I'm just pretending I'm asleep. To confuse my enemies. Airplanes never sleep.'  
  
'Yeah that's why we always have problems to wake you.'  
  
'Anyway, he wanders around declaring he's an airplane and yet he wants people to believe his silly predictions.'  
  
'You can't wake me because I'm just pretending to be asleep. I'm a good actor, I thought you already knew that, Sinus.'  
  
'MY NAME IS SEAMUS!'  
  
"Seamus! Seamus! Seamus!" echoed trough the empty space.  
  
'Well done Sajuz, if there are some Death-Eaters nearby, they already know we are here.  
  
They even know your name now.'  
  
'Well, then at least somebody does' muttered Sirius - I mean Seaumus.  
  
'Ouch. You stood on my foot.'  
  
'Because you forbid me to light my wand.'  
  
'Light would reveal our presence'  
  
'That would be a real tragedy now you've made me shout.'  
  
'Good point,' said the dreamy voice, 'Lumos!' A tiny beam of light cut the darkness.  
  
'Expelliarmus' a jet of red light flew across the corridor.  
  
The boy who had called himself an airplane was lifted from the ground and thrown few meters back. His wand flew out of his hand and the light went out.  
  
'Might have sensed this' muttered the airplane. 'I can't concentrate with you disturbing me all the time, Simon'  
  
'I'm Seamus!' yelled Siux, sorry, Seamus, as another jet of red light knocked him off his feet.  
  
'Shut up you two!' said an unpleasant slimy voice. 'Crabbe, I could use some light'  
  
'Yeah me too' groaned another voice. 'I keep tripping over my feet. What do you reckon Draco?'  
  
'Then go and get some, you idiot!'  
  
'Ahaaa. But .. how?'  
  
'Damned fool, use your brain!'  
  
'My what?'  
  
'I swear I'll eat my wand if this git passes a single OWL' said Sairus. Damn it, I mean Seamons or what the hell he is.  
  
'I'd shut your mouth if I were you, Finnigan, ' said the nasty voice. 'Crabbe, if I see no light in ten seconds, I'm going to set YOU on fire!'  
  
'Not scared of dark, are we, Draxo?' asked the airplane.  
  
'I'm Draco! Crabbe, light! Now!'  
  
'Spyxo, no, spyro-lumos-flamares.' Crabbe tried to grunt the spell. A jet of fire shooted from the tip of his wand, setting the carpet and Crabbe's own robes on fire. Draco began clowning around in panic, shouting 'Aaaargh! I'm burning! Aaaargh! Mum! Dad! Help me!' despite the obvious absence of fire on his robes.  
  
The one with burning robes was Crabbe, but he just stood there, gazing stupidly at the flames. Draco began rolling on floor to extinguish the imaginary fire, and managed to snap his wand. Airplane and Solarus got to their feet and grabbed their wands again.  
  
'Petrificus Totalus!' shouted Airplane. Draco became motionless at once.  
  
'Now I guess you don't know any spell to put out fire?' asked Simpson.  
  
'Let him burn, it's no shame. We might as well get the Order of Merlin if he burns to ashes.  
  
'O.K.'  
  
'So, Draco, we know you've kidnapped Neville. Tell us where he is now or we'll have squeeze it out of you!'  
  
'Damn, Saurus, you've scared his wits out of him,' muttered Airplane sarcastically. 'SEAMUS!'  
  
'Where?' asked Airplane, looking around, puzzled.  
  
'Doesn't seem too keen to speak does he?' said Servilus.  
  
'Well, if you ask me, I'd say it's because he's petrified and can't open his mouth.' said Plane, trying to conceal giggles.  
  
'We'd better search him, maybe he has something useful.'  
  
Airplane searched Malfoy's pockets and found only a single envelope made of dark green parchment. He came closer to the light of burning Crabbe to examine the envelope. Crabbe was shaking slightly because of the pain, but was still just standing and gazing, despite his burning robes.  
  
'Stand still,' said Airplane, 'I can't read.'  
  
'Sorry.' said Crabbe and stopped shaking.  
  
'There's no text,' said Plane, 'just Voldie's Dark Mark. A skull with a serpent. Dumbledore definitely ought to see this.'  
  
'Unjinx him, so we can question him' said Sardellus.  
  
Airplane performed the antijinx and Draco jumped to his feet, but at that moment he shouted 'Locomotor Mortis!', Draco's legs were sticked together and he fell again.  
  
'So,' said Scarabus, 'where is Mervil Longbottom? -shit I mean Neville Longbottom, Airplane, you have infected me!'  
  
'Go and find him yourselves you prats!' shouted Draco.  
  
'Oh look how brave he is now he's got rid of all the fire' sniggered Airplane.  
  
'Hey Crabbe', he said in a false sweet voice, 'why are you standing there so alone? Come here and share some fire with your mate.'  
  
'NO!' shrieked Malfoy. 'I'll tell you everything'.  
  
'Now we are getting somewhere' said Plane grinning. 'So where is Netille?'  
  
'Neville!' shrieked Subtilus.  
  
'He's just behind that locked door at the end of this corridor with that girl.' said Draco.  
  
'What girl?'  
  
'Loony Lovegood. She wanted to come with the FatAss Longbottom, so we kidnapped her too. Crabbe has their wands. Well, maybe they've burned already.  
  
Senillus carefully removed two wands from Crabbe's pocket and they set off for the end of the corridor.  
  
'Wait!' shouted Draco.  
  
'What about me? You can't leave me here with him!' he pointed at still burning Crabbe, 'He's going to realize he's burning in a moment and he'll start running around like mad, what if he ignites me?'  
  
'Right you are,' said Airplane and transfigured Malfoy into a glass of water.  
  
'See? No one's going to set fire to you now.'  
  
When Superbus and Airplane reached the locked door, they heared muffled voices.  
  
'What if they're out of oxygen?' asked Satanus, looking scared.  
  
'Alohomora!' he cried, and as the door sprang open, they found Neville Longbottom and Luna Lovegood, in tight hug, kissing.  
  
End of Chapter I  
  
Story by Green Airplane 


	2. The Room of Reshapement

Chapter II: The Room of Reshapement  
'Where are they?'  
'Who?'  
'Them! They should have been here by now.'  
'Them? You mean Those Who Must Not Be Named? There are more than one?'  
'No, I mean Ron and Hermione.'  
'Why?'  
'Why what???'  
'Why are you asking where they are?'  
'Because we are waiting for them here, remember?'  
'Yeah, right. Well if you asked me, I'd say they are snogging somewhere at  
the moment.'  
'Ron and Hermione? Fat chance.'  
'I thought you knew them better. You don't need to See, to see how they are  
looking at each other when they think no one's looking'  
'Well, they warned me against your Far Seeing bullshits.'  
'Dumbledore doesn't think it's bullshits.'  
'But Dumbledore trusts Snape as well.'  
'No one is perfect. But mark my words:'  
'No one can feel safe if he gets on the wrong side of Hermione Granger, but  
Weasley is going to get all her sides, even those she never shows to the  
others.'  
'You don't take drugs, do you? This is absurd.'  
'Not jealous, are we?'  
'Come off it.'  
'I don't blame you, she looks extremely cute with that bushy hair and that  
clever expression on her face.'  
'I said DROP IT!'  
'Haven't seen you this nervous before.'  
'That's it. I've enough. I'm going. Where's the exit?  
'I don't know. It keeps moving. I understand you. Most people can't accept  
that I have much wider view than them as an airplane.'  
'Damn, Richard, you ARE insane.'  
'Of course I am.'  
'Well, then there's no point arguing with you. What's this place anyway?'  
'We call it the Room of Reshapement. You can't find it unless you're a real  
crackpot or you're overdosed with Polyjuice Potion.'  
'How comes we've found it?'  
'You've just said it.'  
'Aha. and what's its purpose? Does it have any sense at all?'  
'Sense? I don't think so. But I don't even accept something like sense.  
Look at me - I'm an airplane. Is there any sense? Or you - you are the one  
supposed to kill Voldemort -'  
'Or he is supposed to kill me. That's not certain.'  
'But is there any sense? Any at all?'  
'OK, so if this room has no purpose, why was it created?'  
'We are almost absolutely certain it was created by Barty Crouch junior  
about two years ago. One night, when he was wandering around the school in  
a Polyjuice Potion euphoria, he decided to go to sleep, but he was too  
stoned to find the way back to his office. So he found a broom cupboard and  
in an attempt to conjure a bed inside it, he turned it into this. And  
because the exit keeps moving, he couldn't find the way out, so he  
continued hexing the room more and more. The exit doesn't move only inside  
the room, it also keeps moving around the school. The last time I've been  
here, the entrance was somewhere near the kitchen, but this time it was  
just few meters from the Gryffindor common room. I think the room is  
attracted by psychos, so I never have problems to find it.'  
'But why everything keeps changing?'  
The room has just transformed from a billiard clubroom into a torture  
chamber and then into a laboratory.  
'I guess it's because he tried to transfigure the room, but he wasn't able  
to do magic properly.' replied airplane, as the test tubes began changing  
into parrots.  
There was a short silence, because none of them dared to speak until the  
room stopped pretending to be a giant aquarium.  
'I've good news and bad news,' said Airplane as the room turned into a  
stable.  
'Good news is I've spotted the exit.'  
'Fine, where is it?'  
'That's the bad news. It's hanging from the ceiling.'  
'Ron and Hermione are not insane. How are going to find this room?'  
'Good point, Mr. Potter. They won't be able to find this place.'  
'Then there's no point waiting for them here. We are getting out of here  
the moment the exit reappears.' For not just the exit, but whole ceiling  
has vanished as the room turned into a moonlit jungle.  
'This room never stops reshaping?' asked Harry as the room turned into an  
underground tunnel.  
'No. The only thing that won't change are the voices.' replied Airplane.  
'What voices'?  
'You don't hear any voices?'  
'No.'  
'That explains a lot. So the voices really are just inside my head. That  
explains why they follow me everywhere I go.'  
'But you won't turn mad if you stay here for too long, will you?'  
'No, I won't. I'm mad enough already. But you could. This room also affects  
your mind.'  
At these words, the room turned into a corridor with a massive door labeled  
EXIT.  
'Let's go!' said Harry, he stormed out of the Room of Reshapement and never  
came back.  
End of chapter II 


	3. The Queen of Toads

Chapter III: The Queen of Toads  
  
'Here we are. This must be it. Some house, isn't it?'  
'House? It seems more like a castle to me.'  
'Anyway, it's exactly what we have expected from Malfoy. It fits perfectly  
with his big head and rich daddy.'  
'Look at that garden! How many poor little house-elves are they enslaving  
to keep it?'  
'For god's sake, Hermione, just don't start polemizing about elf rights  
again. Look at the bright side. At least they are not beheading them like  
they did in the Black family - oh I forgot. I'm sorry Harry.'  
'It's OK. But I'd rather be dead than serve Malfoys.'  
'Master Potter is right. Dobby wished to die when Dobby was living here.'  
'Dobby?!? Dobby what on earth are you doing here?'  
'Dobby spends most of his free time here sabotaging the Malfoys' house and  
garden.'  
'But why?'  
'It makes Dobby feel happy. Dobby has his revenge for all the years of his  
enslavement.'  
'Have they found some other house-elf already?' asked Hermione.  
'Of course they have. They always buy a new one.'  
'Always? What do you mean always?'  
'Dobby keeps spoiling the new house-elf's work until they get angry and  
dismiss him. Dobby then talks to him and persuades him that life is better  
when he is free. The house-elf then comes to work at Hogwarts and gets paid  
for his job. It is hard to persuade a house-elf but Dobby has already saved  
four house-elves.'  
'Dobby that's great! gasped Hermione. 'Why haven't you ever joined  
S.P.E.W.?'  
'Dobby doesn't want to insult young Mistress, Dobby appreciates what young  
Mistress does for the house-elves, but nobody in his right mind, not even a  
house-elf would join an organization with such a ridiculous name.'  
Hermione's face went slightly red, she frowned, but they all knew she  
couldn't really be angry with a house-elf.  
'It's weird anyway,' Harry was thinking aloud.  
'What's weird?'  
'Green Airplane.'  
'Tell us something we don't know yet.'  
'No, I mean what he told me before we've left. He said: "Say hello to Dobby  
for me, will you?"'  
'What did you answer?'  
'I told him Dobby no longer works at Malfoys. He said just "I know". It's  
funny, isn't it? How did he know that he'll be here?'  
'Green Airplane is Dobby's old friend. He is a great far seer.'  
'Yeah and Goyle is Miss Education.'  
'Dobby you can't just believe everything people say.' said Harry. 'Airplane  
is a psycho.'  
'Dobby thought that too, when he met him. It was years ago when Dobby was  
still serving Malfoys. He told Dobby that he had a vision about Dobby's  
future. He said that Dobby shall be set free, but not until the one who has  
stopped the Dark Lord rejoins the magical world and sets him free. It was  
too unlikely for Dobby to believe it, but Dobby knows better now.'  
Crack.  
They all looked around. Green Airplane has just apparated right behind  
them.'  
'Richard!' said Hermione. 'I didn't know you can apparate.' Her voice was  
suddenly kind and motherly, as if she was talking to a seriously ill child,  
that needed her help. This was very irritating, Harry and Ron were rolling  
their eyes over, but Airplane didn't seem to notice or care.  
'Obviously I can't apparate' he said in his indifferent voice.  
'But how did you come here then?'  
'I flew' he said matter-of-factly. 'I'm an airplane, remember?'  
Hermione was wearing an expression of deepest sympathy. Ron, however, was  
suppressing giggles. Airplane bent to shake Dobby's hand ('Dobby is being  
most pleased to see Master Green Airplane again'). Ron could no longer hold  
it, he began laughing.  
'People have no respect for their means of transport these days' said  
Airplane sadly.  
Both Ron and Harry were now on their knees, roaring with laughter.  
Crack!  
Their smile froze on their faces. Everybody ducked behind a nearby hedge  
fence. It took few seconds before anybody dared to straighten up and look  
what's going on. Harry was the first who had managed it, the others  
followed suit. Seven people, who had just apparated at the far end of the  
access road, were now walking towards the house front door. They were all  
women, short and toadlike. Harry was instantly reminded of the former  
Hogwarts High Inquisitor, professor Umbridge. Six of them wore slime green  
robes and toad masks on their faces. They were walking around the seventh  
women with wands in their hands, as if they were bodyguards. All of them  
had a golden symbol sewn on their robes - a toad holding a wand in its long  
sticky tongue. The woman in the middle was not wearing a mask, but it made  
no real difference. She looked like a toad anyway. She wore acid green  
robes, end of which she was dragging on the ground. She had a huge golden  
necklace with the same symbol as the others had on their robes. On her head  
she had a gigantic and extremely stupid spiky crown with a toad on the top.  
In her hand she was holding a long walking stick with a golden toad on the  
top.  
'The Toads' gasped Hermione.  
'Yeah, nasty pack of old toads,' Harry began, 'I wonder if Umbridge.'  
'I said The Toads, not toads, ' Hermione interrupted him.  
'It's an ancient sect that controls a terrible branch of dark arts. I've  
read about them in The Magical Sects And Secret Societies Throughout The  
History of Wizardkind.'  
'Is there a book you haven't read yet Hermione?' asked Ron. Hermione  
ignored him.  
'They are specialized in transfiguring people into toads and conjuring  
armies of poisonous toads that devastate crops and are even capable of  
destroying a whole village.' recited Hermione.  
'The one in the middle is their leader, The Queen of Toads, the others are  
her followers, they call themselves Fly-Eaters.'  
'Come on, let's have a closer look' said Harry and began creeping along the  
hedge fence, trying to get closer to the door. Others followed reluctantly.  
They all hid under a large tree that was closest to the door. As the women  
were approaching, the door opened and three men walked out into fresh  
evening breeze. The one in the middle was Lucius Malfoy.  
'He got out of Azkaban?'  
'Shhh. We're too close. They could hear us.'  
The other two wore standard Death-Eater hoods, but their figures and the  
way they were guarding Malfoy gave Harry a shrewd idea who they were.  
Airplane seemed to be thinking the same way:  
'As if the only purpose of their families was to guard the Malfoys.'  
The men were watching and waiting, as the women were coming closer. The  
height difference between the men and the women, and the stupid masks gave  
Harry the impression that they were about to shout "Trick or Treat!" any  
moment. When they came close enough, so they cold see the queen's face,  
Airplane recognized her.  
'Oh no!' he gasped 'Oh please not her!'  
The others were too shocked to tell him off. They never expected to hear  
any emotion in his voice, but now it was full of terror, despair, disgust  
and hatred at the same time.  
'Not her!' he repeated, but he fell silent as Lucius Malfoy spoke.  
'Your majesty' he said, bowing slightly, 'what an honour it is to welcome  
such noble guest in my modest house. Welcome. My house is your house.'  
'Thank you, sir Malfoy.' answered an unnaturally deep croaking voice. 'I am  
pleased to see that the nobility and demeanour of the Malfoy family have  
been retained even in these difficult times when manners are being  
forgotten and inpure scum is gaining more and more power. The Sisterhood of  
The Toad shall never forget your generosity.'  
But it wasn't the queen of toads who was talking. She hasn't even opened  
her mouth. It was the golden toad on the top of her walking stick that was  
opening its mouth and croaking all that pure blood nonsense towards Malfoy.  
'Translator charm.' whispered Hermione.  
'What?'  
'If you don't speak some language, you bewitch some object into a  
translator. Statues with mouth are best. It's connected with your mind, so  
it says what you mean to say, instead of what you say, to make it faster.  
The object also receives what the others say and sends translation into  
your mind.'  
Malfoy and the queen of toads kept spitting silly sentences at each other  
as if they were competing in who can put more royalty and smugness in a  
single sentence, until.  
'Hem, hem.'  
This false cough could leave no mistake.  
'Excuse me for interrupting your conversation, but it's late and we should  
already be preparing for the ritual.' said one of the women in masks in a  
familiar girlish voice.  
'Oh yes indeed,' said Malfoy, apparently very pleased that he had the last  
word in the conversation, 'Please, come in, make yourselves at home.'  
They all walked in and closed the door.  
'You know her, Richard?' asked Hermione carefully.  
'I'm not Richard, I'm the Green Airplane.'  
'I'm sorry, Airplane. So do you know her?'  
'Who?'  
'The queen of toads!'  
'Aha. I'm afraid I do.'  
'And?'  
'And what?'  
'Who is she?'  
'Aha. She's the headmistress from my former school. my muggle school.  
terrible old hag. didn't know she's a witch.'  
'Is it bad?  
'Bad??? She's evil. She's the worst demon hell has ever spawned.'  
'O.K., I think we've got the point' interrupted Hermione, but Airplane  
continued to mutter.  
'Lousy, damned, cursed, old hag. should have listened to my own prediction.  
"Your former life shall take a huge step towards you today."  
End of Chapter III 


	4. Intermezzo I Dobby vs Kreacher

Intermezzo I - Dobby vs Kreacher  
Bang! One of the wooden beams supporting the roof construction of an old  
windmill broke and fell down as it was hit by a spell. Crack - a house-elf  
disappeared from underneath it just the moment it fell. He reappeared at  
the other end of the top floor of the building, which consisted entirely of  
the rest of old, rotten floorboards, most of which had collapsed years ago.  
He shot a curse on his opponent, who used the same tactics and vanished.  
Dobby spent few moments anxiously looking around, until Kreacher reappeared  
on a huge pipe connecting a system of gear-wheels with a giant windshaft in  
front of the building. Dobby was ready to strike again, and so was  
Kreacher. He threw a look full of arrogance and loathing on Dobby.  
'Traitor of our nation' he muttered 'Scum. Wretched bastard. Disgrace of  
the elfkind.' He cast another spell but missed again. The building now  
shook dangerously with every new spell that hit its construction.  
'It is over' squeaked Dobby. 'He-who-must-not-be-named shall soon be  
defeated by professor Dumbledore and the Order. Kreacher is a bad, bad  
house-elf serving the You-know-who's death-eaters.'  
'He breaks the tradition. He wears clothes.. The filthy little. he is happy  
to be free and he even works for money the little pervert. oh the shame of  
it. and now he dares to teach me about good and bad, the lousy prat.'  
A spell flew from Kreacher's outstretched hand and Dobby disapparated  
again. He didn't dare attacking Kreacher while he was standing there, if  
the windshaft fell, it would bring down whole building. Unless. Dobby  
concentrated, this spell was difficult. The force of the spell that  
emanated from his hand was such that every last rat in the mill felt its  
fur stand as it passed and Kreacher was forced to conjure a shining silver  
shield out of thin air to deflect it. Kreacher sent a jet of green light on  
Dobby. A pigeon flew in through a broken window, swallowed the spell and  
exploded. Everything was covered in feathers. Kreacher shot another spell  
and this time Dobby conjured a golden shield that deflected the spell back  
to Kreacher, where it was deflected by Kreacher's shield. Both of them  
watched it with bored expressions on their faces, as it was ricocheting  
between them for two minutes, until it faded and vanished.  
'This is useless' muttered Kreacher, as he pulled out his wand, wondering  
why on earth hasn't he done it yet. Dobby pulled out a wand too, wondering  
what on earth was a wand doing in his pocket. They stood face-to-face,  
ready to duel.  
'Expelliarmus!' shouted Dobby.  
'Avada Kedavra!' cried Kreacher.  
A jet of green light issued from Kreacher's wand just as a jet of red light  
blasted from Dobby's - the met in mid-air - and suddenly, Dobby's wand was  
vibrating as though an electric charge was surging through it; his hand had  
seized up around it; he couldn't have released it if he'd wanted to - and a  
narrow beam of gold light was now connecting their wands. 'For heaven's  
sake, just not priori incantatem' muttered Kreacher.  
It was as though large beads of light were sliding up and down the thread  
connecting the wands. Both of them concentrated on forcing the beads  
towards their opponent. They knew it had no sense, but they were both  
curious about what was the other one using his wand for. Dobby won this  
fight, the beads connected with Kreacher's wand, and all sorts of dense  
smoky things began emerging from it. It was all useless rubbish, bewitched  
to cause damage - a biting denture with vampire fangs, a necklace that was  
shrinking in order to strangle its fictive bearer and expanding again, a  
telescope with a hidden blade emerging every now and then from the ocular  
and similar stuff. Kreacher was probably ordered to conjure these things by  
Mrs Black's portrait, except for the last piece which was obviously his own  
idea - it seemed to be an enlarged version of his previous master's old  
underpants. Kreacher went slightly red and broke the connection. There was  
a moment of awkward silence and then Kreacher spoke again: 'it is obvious  
that this contest can not be decided by our magical powers,' he said  
dramatically, 'but by our skills with the lightsabre.'  
'What???' Dobby stared at him as if he had never seen a house-elf, even  
though he himself was one.  
'Dobby should have read the script book more carefully' said Kreacher  
impatiently.  
Dobby took out a small script and searched it for a while. 'Oh, really' he  
said in a surprised voice. 'Dobby wouldn't believe this.'  
Kreacher took out a lightsabre and turned it on. It was red. Dobby's one  
was green. Kreacher was about to strike when Dobby interrupted him. 'Wait!  
This is wrong! Dobby should have the red sabre.'  
'If Dobby considers himself such an expert on good and evil,' said Kreacher  
in a taunting voice, 'Kreacher would say he should know that the red sabres  
always have the bad guys.'  
'Dobby knows that, but green is colour of Slytherin, and red is colour of  
Gryffindor.'  
'Oh yeah. Dobby is right' said Kreacher. The house-elves swapped their  
lightsabres. Dobby grinned at the thought of George Lucas, tearing his hair  
off. The elves began fighting. It was getting dark and you could barely see  
more than two neon tubes swishing stupidly through the darkness. None of  
them was good at this, so they kept tripping and falling over, not  
mentioning that the sabres were too big for them. Every now and then they  
chopped off another beam, which caused the building to dangle. They started  
apparating, hoping that they would simply apparate with a sword inside  
their enemy. This was very dangerous, for you could apparate right into  
your enemy's sword.  
Dobby and Kreacher appeared at the tiny board that was now the last  
reminder of the top floor. Kreacher lost his balance and fell. He dropped  
the lightsabre and remained hanging right over the grinding machine.  
Suddenly the grinder began to move as if Hagrid and his little bro were  
standing outside and blowing on the sails. The building was creaking  
maliciously. Dobby was standing over Kreacher, his lightsabre pointed at  
his neck.  
'Kreacher will now pay for his treachery' said Dobby triumphantly.  
'Wait!' squeaked Kreacher. 'Hasn't Obi Van told dobby the truth about his  
father?'  
'Who the hell is Obi Van?' asked Dobby.  
'Kreacher doesn't know. But that's not the point. The point is that Dobby  
can't kill Kreacher, because Kreacher is Dobby's father!'  
End of Intermezzo I 


End file.
